“Do You Have Any Stress?”
In the last year or so, putting on makeup or doing my hair in the mirror has become a real struggle for me. It’s not the MAC makeup or the recent switch in shampoo that depresses me. It is the fact that I’m starting not to recognize the face staring back at me.
Not only do I notice the appearance of those fine lines and wrinkles the television is always warning me about, but these ‘strange’ red bumps have begun appearing around my jaw line.
Great, I now have the skin of a pubescent teenager with the crows feet and laugh lines of a middle-aged woman. Real funny, higher power above.
After months of struggling with acne skin care products, changing makeup, switching moisturizer, all to no avail (and at the strong suggestion of my boyfriend), I finally decided to go see a dermatologist.
As I walked into the doctor’s office and checked in with the front desk, I looked around at all the assistants with glowing radiant skin. Not one of them had a red bump, laugh line or dark hairs growing from their chin. It must be nice to work at a dermatologist’s office, I thought to myself.
“So, how long have you been struggling with acne?” the doctor asked.
“Maybe six months or so,” I answered.
After going through the many causes of adult acne, the doctor then asks…
“Do you have any stress?”
Hmmm. Let’s see…. in the last six months I was miserable working at a job I couldn’t stand, I was juggling life as a single mom… I quit my ‘koosh’ job to follow my dreams of starting a business, moved in with my boyfriend, sold most of my belongings to fit into his house, enrolled my son in kindergarten, started working on being a entrepeneur with absolutely no income…
Nope! No stress, doc. None at all.
So, I’m hoping the prescription for the antibiotics and topical cream will not only clear up my ever aging skin…but will clear up this hectic crazy life I’m living at the moment!! 
(hence the lack of posts lately!)
If You Think Parenting Is Easy, You’re Doing It Wrong
If we truly have multiple lives, I must have been a lizard at one point. I absolutely love the sun. There’s nothing more relaxing to me than sitting out in direct sunlight soaking in those damaging rays. I remember in high school spending every day laying out by the pool. Oh, how I miss summer vacation…three months of no responsibility and no thoughts of wrinkles, sun spots or skin cancer.
To kick off our summer this year, my little guy, my man and I ventured out to a local lake last weekend for a day of sun, sand and swimming. We live a short drive away from a man-made lake, made from an old rock quarry, filled with water and fish and surrounded by a sandy beach. There’s even a dock with canoes and paddle boats for rent. It’s a great family spot for days when you just don’t feel like driving an hour to the actual ocean.
As I watched the boys engineer an irrigation system to carry water from their hand crafted pool down to the shoreline, I looked around at all the other families enjoying the 90 degree day by the lake. Parents were relaxing in the sun, while the kids splashed in the water, barbeques smoked and umbrellas danced in the wind. What a beautiful display of family togetherness and summertime fun, I thought… That was until I noticed a sign propped up near the water’s edge.
Tent signs, printed in a bold black and white, lined the beach as if to guard the water line. These signs depicted two black figures holding hands, one significantly larger than the other. Next to this outline of parent and child, stood bold black wording, glaring out at all lake patrons, instructing parents to actively watch their children. These signs caught my attention and shifted my focus for a moment. Instead of watching the engineering feat taking place next to me, I began to think about these signs and what they represented.
At first glance, one might feel comforted by these caution signs, pleased that the community would go out of their way to protect children. One might think, ‘Wow, what a great Park and Rec Department we have!’ Unfortunately I see something else in these friendly reminders.
I see the deterioration of families and parenting.
Are we really at the point were we need signs and public service announcements to instruct us on how to be parents?
I was immediately saddened by the thought that we now need some form of government or authority to remind us to actively watch our children. I thought that trait was naturally ingrained in every parent from the moment their child was brought into this world. Apparently I was wrong. As I looked around I noticed, some people do need instruction.
If we’re going to have signs instructing us how to be a parent, we might as well line our parks and playgrounds with the following signs as well…
No Blackberry’s, iPhones or PDAs – Play with your Children, They’re Only Little Once
Manners Matter – Please and Thank You Go a Long Way!
Patience is a Virtue – Wait Your Turn on the Slide Politely
Name Calling, Swearing & Teasing Prohibited
Sharing Makes Everyone Feel Good
and last but not least….
If You Think Parenting is Easy, You’re Doing it Wrong
Grammar Police, Where Were You?
As my Public Service Announcement for the Day, I would like to remind everyone to thoroughly read each and every word in an email, especially if it is a “Thank You For Your Time” letter to a prospective employer.
Oh, and don’t write anything of importance while trying to multi-task… not a good idea!
Late yesterday afternoon, while trying to balance my normal workload, figure out what to cook for dinner and listening to background noise consisting of the television and my boyfriend talk to the AT&T salesman about putting in new cable, I decided to write a Thank You email to a company I met with earlier in the day about a prospective job.
Wrong Idea #1.
I drafted, what I thought was, a very friendly, professional and passionate email describing my excitement for the opportunity to join their team. Like anything I write, I read it over and over and over again, just to make sure it was perfect, trying to drown out all the surrounding distractions at the same time.
Hmm, that looks good… SEND.
As I hit SEND, I noticed an extra little “the” in one of my sentences.
Nooooooooo…
Too late. The email quickly disappeared and up popped my inbox.
Ahhhhhhh!
Great, that looks real professional, especially when you’re applying for a writing job!
I sat there for a few minutes trying to decide whether or not to send a follow-up email, apologizing for the grammar error. Do I just let it go, or be the corporate version of Mikey in Swingers and email back?
Sigh…
I decided to just let it go. What’s meant to be will be. I just wish Gmail would’ve called the Grammar Police on me!
For those of you job hunting, drafting important letters to clients or writing emails to ex-spouses, don’t do what I did and let your surroundings distract you into sending something you regret. Slow down. Breathe. Read Outloud. Then press SEND.
ugh…
Oh Right, I’m a Mom
It’s still strange for me to be included in the Mother’s Day Celebration. For so many years of my life, Mother’s Day was about spoiling my mom and grandma and not letting them lift a finger.
Even though this is my fifth Mother’s Day as a mom, it still feels wrong for me to be opening up cards and being pampered… and my ears still are not used to hearing “Happy Mother’s Day” from friends and family.
I wonder when I’ll finally feel like a distinguished member of the club?
Happy Mother’s Day
to all the wonderful
mothers out there!
Meet My Old Friend, Anxiety
As a teenager, or even in our twenties, we think we know who we are. We think we have it all figured out and know truly who we are as a person. Then we get older. As the years go by, we look back at our younger selves and think, “Wow, I was clueless”
Looking back, I see how much I have grown as a woman. Not only physically but mentally and emotionally. I am a completely different person now than I was 20 years ago, 10 years ago…hey even 5 years ago. I see a different woman standing in the mirror now, one with a little more ‘character’ in the face and a little more patience.
Even though I am a different person than I was years ago, there are definitely still parts of me that are very much the same. As hard as I try to get rid of them, they stubbornly remain. Here I am, in my thirties, still learning how to deal with them.
One being, Anxiety.
Now that I think about it, I was a pretty anxious kid. I remember having stomach aches all the time and always worrying about something, whether it was some school event or homework assignment. It wasn’t much better in high school, although it did become more manageable during college.
I still struggle with anxiety, every now and then. When my daily stressors finally become overwhelming, I will get the feeling like my heart is about to explode or race out of my chest. I’ve learned after a couple of trips to the ER that is most likely not a heart attack, just my old friend Anxiety saying hello.
Well, my dear old friend sure got the best of me today.
Today was my very first phone interview for a prospective job, ever. Since I basically fell into my current career after taking a temp job right out of college, I’ve never had to submit a resume or interview for a job. I was very excited to learn they wanted to speak with me, especially since I am passionate about their product and philosophy. Unfortunately, my excitement quickly turned to nervousness and anxiety as the phone call continued. I really wanted the job and became way too self-conscious about every little word coming out of my mouth. I am hoping they invite me to the second round of interviews, since I don’t think my old friend Anxiety helped me make the best first impression today.
I’m trying to stay positive…
Thanks a lot, pal.
Visitation: Just For Dad or His Girlfriend Too?
The New Girlfriend. No matter how the relationship ended, who was involved or how civil you are today…meeting the new girlfriend is always an interesting component of any past relationship.
You may accidentally meet The Girlfriend inside the grocery store with no makeup on, wearing your workout attire from trip to the gym five hours ago… or maybe you spot her on your way out of a bar, as you arrogantly walk past with your girls at your side. You never know, you may be like me and meet the new girlfriend when she comes down the stairs of the house she now shares with your ex and your son, as you’re picking up your little guy for the weekend. However and whenever you meet, it’s awkward, stressful and laced with anxiety.
It’s taken some time for me to get used to the idea of my ex’s girlfriend. I basically ignored her existence for at least a year, all subconsciously of course. Actually, we all pretended she didn’t exist – my ex, my son and myself – by never really mentioning her, ever. It’s not like I disliked her or wanted to be back with my ex, it was just the idea of her that bothered me for some reason.
After some soul-searching, I realized, her being The Girlfriend isn’t what boiled my blood. It was being a mother figure to my son that really got to me. Since then, I’ve dealt with that issue and tried to ”Let Go” as they say…but the dynamic is still wierd and awkward to me, even after several friendly encounters and even a family dinner at their house (which I would advise against for anyone thinking of doing this… I have two words for you – Neutral Ground)
Is Visitation Just for Dad?
The latest awkward situation began this morning, while listening to my voice mail. In between the work messages, I hear, “…I will be out-of-town for a few days, but ‘Girlfriend’ will pick him on Thursday… Just wanted to let you know.”
I sat there in a daze, staring at the kitchen counter. The phone continued to play back messages into my ear, but my brain was no longer listening. Instead it was asking a string of questions like, “How do we feel about this?” “Why is this bothering us?” “Are we just being controlling here or is this truly not acceptable?”
Unfortunately, here I am, hours later with the brain still asking the same questions. Am I overreacting? Should my son go to his Dad’s house during his normal visitation schedule, even though Dad won’t be there? I know it’s important for him to have a relationship with The Girlfriend, but does that extend to her getting visitation too?
Oh, the joys of Co-Parenting…
Men Have No Idea
Today was my annual trip to the Girly Doctor. I should probably go more than every couple of years, considering it’s an annual check up, and since I’m apparently reaching the end of my most fertile years, which my doctor was kind enough to remind me during our appointment.
“So… any more babies?”
No, I don’t think so…although having to stare at all these baby pictures for the last fifteen minutes is making me think otherwise!
“Cause you know…it starts getting more difficult to get pregnant with each year”
Great doc, thanks! I thought I was done, until you jolted my biological clock… (Why is it, when the possibility of not being able to have something makes you want it?)
On my way home, driving on the freeway, trying to erase the last 30 minutes from my memory, I was reminded once again that…
Men really have no clue what women go through
Some may get a glimpse into our world by growing up with a sister or having an open relationship with a spouse. They may witness the perils of waxing sensitive areas or the hours it takes straightening wavy hair, but these men are still clueless when it comes the true hardships of being a woman.
I think there are three main areas of womanhood that a man will never understand, nor would be able to handle if the tables were ever turned.
Menstruation, Childbirth and OB/GYN visits.
- Our Monthly Visitor – There is only one reason guys are happy around this time of the month and it’s not because they want to earn their Red Wings. They secretly do their Happy Dance at this time of our cycle because it confirms their guys didn’t swim this month and they have 28 or so more days of relaxing before the panic sets in again. Although guys have a basic idea what happens during those miserable 3-7 days, they have no idea what we deal with every 4-8 hours. If any of us were to sit down with them and explain in detail, I think many of them would lose their lunch.
- Popping Out a Watermelon – I’m sorry, but this has to be the most disgusting bodily function of all…and I can say that because I have done it. I remember the doctor asking if I wanted to see and touch the head when it crowned, which I did… and honestly responded with “Eww, that’s gross” (sorry lil man but it’s true). Giving birth is an emotionally beautiful thing, but had someone warned me that your water doesn’t just break, it continues to flow and you essentially leak from top to bottom for the next 6+ weeks, I may have reconsidered. Let’s not even get into the other things that come out during and after labor. Yes, it is an absolute miracle and a truly amazing moment in life – but one that people involved never speak of intricate details, ever…for good reason.
- PAP Smears - Where do I begin with this one? So, guys…what would you do if you were laying on a table spread eagle, covered only in a light hospital gown and paper apron with someone thoroughly inspecting your nether region? Oh wait, I can’t forget the painful cotton swab, the awkward breast exam and feeling for the position of the uterus from the inside out. Aww, it’s an absolute thrill, let me tell you. I dread each and every one…and even though it only lasts a few minutes, they have to be the worst moments of being a woman.
So, for you guys out there, the next time your woman starts bawling for no reason…takes too long getting ready…or spends too much money on a pair of sexy new shoes… give her a little slack. She deals with a lot of crap for just having a vagina
Say Goodbye to Mom Butt!
It’s amazing what growing a tiny human being inside for nine months can do to your body. While some changes can be positive, like the increase in breast size, most are unfortunately negative.
For those of you who have not yet experienced child-birth (from either end of the stirrups), things look a bit different after a woman “squeezes a watermelon through her nostril.” She will have much fuller lips than before, but in a very different way than Angelina Jolie. It will appear as though a spare tire was lodged underneath the skin of her midsection and her cute little rear end will be replaced with two flat hamhocks.
I remember talking to my mother one day, after having my little boy. I had lost most of the baby weight, by doing Winsor Pilates, but couldn’t figure out what had happened to my once perky and round behind. It vanished and left behind the infamous MOM BUTT.
“My butt is so flat”… I remember mentioning.
To which I didn’t get much of a response…which either indicates some type of agreement or a lack of a positive comment!
Keeping up with the Pilates definitely helped get my lady lumps near their pre-baby form, but they still showed remnants of motherhood. (wow, did I really just call them lady lumps?) No matter how many leg lifts or painful clams I did with Pilates, I couldn’t seem to get the sides to recede.
Pilates successfully eliminated my mom derriere, but I still wanted to get its 20-year-old shape back… if at all possible. So, in hopes of getting back some part of my youth, I ended up ordering my second infomercial workout, the Brazil Butt Lift
In an effort not to sound like one of the women in the commercial sharing her amazing success story, I will just say… This workout is a MUST HAVE for any single, married or divorced mother! (or any woman for that matter!)
It is a difficult workout, but worth every sore muscle…and you will find butt muscles you never knew you had after each workout! It kicks my a@# every time, literally. If I find myself wanting to stop, or perhaps cry at the burning sensation attacking my butt and thighs, I picture the ladies of SNL in their Mom Jeans. I can then block out the pain with visions of my new and improved mom butt in a skimpy swimsuit this summer!
Goodbye Mom Butt, Hello Brazilian Bum!
Julia Child, I am Not
If I could wave a magic wand and give myself three talents, they would have to be singing, dancing sober and cooking.
I would love to be able to whip up gourmet meals every day of the week and make homemade sauces and desserts to accompany my main course. Unfortunately being a working, single soccer mom with an active four-year old doesn’t really allow for such creations.
Okay, maybe it’s more that I lack the culinary skills… but I definitely lack the time to learn.
If you are like me, cooking dinner on a weeknight can be as stressful as your day at work. Around 5 o’clock in my house, you will find a pot of water about to boil over, burning garlic in the fry pan, a little boy in the background wanting to play with someone and an anxious mom in the kitchen trying to juggle it all!
Luckily, I came across something that has helped smooth out our weekday routine. I have found the Ultimate Single Mom Recipe! This dish is a quick and easy way to get dinner on the table and is guaranteed to please even the pickiest toddler palate. It has become my “go-to” meal whenever I find myself glazed over, standing in front of the open refrigerator door. Not only is it easy to cook, but it’s versatile too. You can pretty much add anything…sausage, peppers, chicken, tomatoes… I’ve even added some heavy cream to make the sauce a little thicker. Thanks to this recipe I can spend the end of a stressful day with a peaceful half hour of cooking and a nice meal with my little team!
Bon Appetit!
(photo by: Romulo Yanes)
Ingredients
- 5 garlic cloves
- 1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
- 2 (10-ounces) packages frozen chopped broccoli (do not thaw) *You can also use fresh chopped broccoli
- 1 cup water
- 1/4 teaspoon hot red-pepper flakes
- 1/3 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano plus additional for serving
- 1 pound dried orecchiette pasta *I also use penne pasta
Preparation
With food processor running, drop in garlic and finely chop.
Cook garlic in oil in a heavy medium saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally, until golden, about 1 minute. Add broccoli, water, red-pepper flakes, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper and cook, covered, stirring occasionally, until broccoli is very tender and almost all of liquid has evaporated, 12 to 15 minutes. Stir in cheese until melted.
Meanwhile, cook orecchiette in a pasta pot of boiling salted water (2 tablespoon salt for 6 quarts water) until al dente. Reserve 1 cup cooking water, then drain pasta.
Toss pasta with broccoli and 1/2 cup reserved cooking water. Season with salt and thin sauce with more cooking water if desired. Serve with cheese for sprinkling.
source: Epicurious.com - http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Broccoli-with-Orecchiette-351170
Gourmet | January 2009
Men Only Want One Thing…
I don’t know what it is about having a nice meal, outside on a warm, sunny day that makes life so enjoyable? It is probably a combination of the glass of cool chardonnay sparkling in the sun, the pure entertainment of people passing by and the hysterical conversations with great friends that makes “lunching” one of my favorite hobbies.
Going out to eat has always been a pastime for my group of girlfriends. As soon as we could legally drive, our nights out always started off at a restaurant somewhere. In our teens, it was fast food or Red Lobster…in our twenties, it was anywhere with a full bar. Now that we are in our thirties, the restaurant has become the destination, not starting point, and the establishments have increased in class and price. During a recent hobby lunch with one of my besties, I was reminded (once again) how different life is as a thirty-something woman.
During lunch we began talking about our love lives, like most women during any female bonding session. In between bites of her asian inspired seared scallops, my best friend started explaining how dating in her thirties is a whole new experience.
“Men only want one thing, and when you are over 30, they don’t want it from you”
I had to contain myself from spitting out the sip of cold water I had just poured into my mouth! It was so funny, because it is TRUE.
Her blatantly honest statement about men’s subconscious attraction to youth initiated a walk down memory lane. We took a trip back in time together to ten years ago. A time when we could walk into any bar or restaurant and naturally grab the attention of almost every male patron. Not that we were Victoria Secret models or anything. We were just two young decent looking girls always smiling, laughing and having a good time.
Fast forward to the present. We are the same decent looking ladies, always smiling, laughing and having a good time…but add some crows feet and laugh lines. We may get a couple head turns, but only if they’re over 30. Now we attract the somewhat creepy guy, pushing his late fifties wishing he was 20 years younger…or if we’re lucky, maybe the Dad out to dinner with the kids while mom’s out getting a mani/pedi.
Which I guess, all works out since those guys are probably our target market now anyways (well, minus the married guy!) It’s just strange getting old…especially when you are a woman.
You know, I really loved watching Sex in the City when it was on 10 years ago… but I appreciate it A LOT more now that I am in my thirties. I can relate more with Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte now that I see the world through their eyes.
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