Posts filed under ‘Getting Old’
In the last year or so, putting on makeup or doing my hair in the mirror has become a real struggle for me. It’s not the MAC makeup or the recent switch in shampoo that depresses me. It is the fact that I’m starting not to recognize the face staring back at me.
Not only do I notice the appearance of those fine lines and wrinkles the television is always warning me about, but these ‘strange’ red bumps have begun appearing around my jaw line.
Great, I now have the skin of a pubescent teenager with the crows feet and laugh lines of a middle-aged woman. Real funny, higher power above.
After months of struggling with acne skin care products, changing makeup, switching moisturizer, all to no avail (and at the strong suggestion of my boyfriend), I finally decided to go see a dermatologist.
As I walked into the doctor’s office and checked in with the front desk, I looked around at all the assistants with glowing radiant skin. Not one of them had a red bump, laugh line or dark hairs growing from their chin. It must be nice to work at a dermatologist’s office, I thought to myself.
“So, how long have you been struggling with acne?” the doctor asked.
“Maybe six months or so,” I answered.
After going through the many causes of adult acne, the doctor then asks…
“Do you have any stress?”
Hmmm. Let’s see…. in the last six months I was miserable working at a job I couldn’t stand, I was juggling life as a single mom… I quit my ‘koosh’ job to follow my dreams of starting a business, moved in with my boyfriend, sold most of my belongings to fit into his house, enrolled my son in kindergarten, started working on being a entrepeneur with absolutely no income…
Nope! No stress, doc. None at all.
So, I’m hoping the prescription for the antibiotics and topical cream will not only clear up my ever aging skin…but will clear up this hectic crazy life I’m living at the moment!!
(hence the lack of posts lately!)
As a teenager, or even in our twenties, we think we know who we are. We think we have it all figured out and know truly who we are as a person. Then we get older. As the years go by, we look back at our younger selves and think, “Wow, I was clueless”
Looking back, I see how much I have grown as a woman. Not only physically but mentally and emotionally. I am a completely different person now than I was 20 years ago, 10 years ago…hey even 5 years ago. I see a different woman standing in the mirror now, one with a little more ‘character’ in the face and a little more patience.
Even though I am a different person than I was years ago, there are definitely still parts of me that are very much the same. As hard as I try to get rid of them, they stubbornly remain. Here I am, in my thirties, still learning how to deal with them.
One being, Anxiety.
Now that I think about it, I was a pretty anxious kid. I remember having stomach aches all the time and always worrying about something, whether it was some school event or homework assignment. It wasn’t much better in high school, although it did become more manageable during college.
I still struggle with anxiety, every now and then. When my daily stressors finally become overwhelming, I will get the feeling like my heart is about to explode or race out of my chest. I’ve learned after a couple of trips to the ER that is most likely not a heart attack, just my old friend Anxiety saying hello.
Well, my dear old friend sure got the best of me today.
Today was my very first phone interview for a prospective job, ever. Since I basically fell into my current career after taking a temp job right out of college, I’ve never had to submit a resume or interview for a job. I was very excited to learn they wanted to speak with me, especially since I am passionate about their product and philosophy. Unfortunately, my excitement quickly turned to nervousness and anxiety as the phone call continued. I really wanted the job and became way too self-conscious about every little word coming out of my mouth. I am hoping they invite me to the second round of interviews, since I don’t think my old friend Anxiety helped me make the best first impression today.
I’m trying to stay positive…
Thanks a lot, pal.
Today was my annual trip to the Girly Doctor. I should probably go more than every couple of years, considering it’s an annual check up, and since I’m apparently reaching the end of my most fertile years, which my doctor was kind enough to remind me during our appointment.
“So… any more babies?”
No, I don’t think so…although having to stare at all these baby pictures for the last fifteen minutes is making me think otherwise!
“Cause you know…it starts getting more difficult to get pregnant with each year”
Great doc, thanks! I thought I was done, until you jolted my biological clock… (Why is it, when the possibility of not being able to have something makes you want it?)
On my way home, driving on the freeway, trying to erase the last 30 minutes from my memory, I was reminded once again that…
Men really have no clue what women go through
Some may get a glimpse into our world by growing up with a sister or having an open relationship with a spouse. They may witness the perils of waxing sensitive areas or the hours it takes straightening wavy hair, but these men are still clueless when it comes the true hardships of being a woman.
I think there are three main areas of womanhood that a man will never understand, nor would be able to handle if the tables were ever turned.
Menstruation, Childbirth and OB/GYN visits.
- Our Monthly Visitor – There is only one reason guys are happy around this time of the month and it’s not because they want to earn their Red Wings. They secretly do their Happy Dance at this time of our cycle because it confirms their guys didn’t swim this month and they have 28 or so more days of relaxing before the panic sets in again. Although guys have a basic idea what happens during those miserable 3-7 days, they have no idea what we deal with every 4-8 hours. If any of us were to sit down with them and explain in detail, I think many of them would lose their lunch.
- Popping Out a Watermelon – I’m sorry, but this has to be the most disgusting bodily function of all…and I can say that because I have done it. I remember the doctor asking if I wanted to see and touch the head when it crowned, which I did… and honestly responded with “Eww, that’s gross” (sorry lil man but it’s true). Giving birth is an emotionally beautiful thing, but had someone warned me that your water doesn’t just break, it continues to flow and you essentially leak from top to bottom for the next 6+ weeks, I may have reconsidered. Let’s not even get into the other things that come out during and after labor. Yes, it is an absolute miracle and a truly amazing moment in life – but one that people involved never speak of intricate details, ever…for good reason.
- PAP Smears - Where do I begin with this one? So, guys…what would you do if you were laying on a table spread eagle, covered only in a light hospital gown and paper apron with someone thoroughly inspecting your nether region? Oh wait, I can’t forget the painful cotton swab, the awkward breast exam and feeling for the position of the uterus from the inside out. Aww, it’s an absolute thrill, let me tell you. I dread each and every one…and even though it only lasts a few minutes, they have to be the worst moments of being a woman.
So, for you guys out there, the next time your woman starts bawling for no reason…takes too long getting ready…or spends too much money on a pair of sexy new shoes… give her a little slack. She deals with a lot of crap for just having a vagina
It’s amazing what growing a tiny human being inside for nine months can do to your body. While some changes can be positive, like the increase in breast size, most are unfortunately negative.
For those of you who have not yet experienced child-birth (from either end of the stirrups), things look a bit different after a woman “squeezes a watermelon through her nostril.” She will have much fuller lips than before, but in a very different way than Angelina Jolie. It will appear as though a spare tire was lodged underneath the skin of her midsection and her cute little rear end will be replaced with two flat hamhocks.
I remember talking to my mother one day, after having my little boy. I had lost most of the baby weight, by doing Winsor Pilates, but couldn’t figure out what had happened to my once perky and round behind. It vanished and left behind the infamous MOM BUTT.
“My butt is so flat”… I remember mentioning.
To which I didn’t get much of a response…which either indicates some type of agreement or a lack of a positive comment!
Keeping up with the Pilates definitely helped get my lady lumps near their pre-baby form, but they still showed remnants of motherhood. (wow, did I really just call them lady lumps?) No matter how many leg lifts or painful clams I did with Pilates, I couldn’t seem to get the sides to recede.
Pilates successfully eliminated my mom derriere, but I still wanted to get its 20-year-old shape back… if at all possible. So, in hopes of getting back some part of my youth, I ended up ordering my second infomercial workout, the Brazil Butt Lift
In an effort not to sound like one of the women in the commercial sharing her amazing success story, I will just say… This workout is a MUST HAVE for any single, married or divorced mother! (or any woman for that matter!)
It is a difficult workout, but worth every sore muscle…and you will find butt muscles you never knew you had after each workout! It kicks my a@# every time, literally. If I find myself wanting to stop, or perhaps cry at the burning sensation attacking my butt and thighs, I picture the ladies of SNL in their Mom Jeans. I can then block out the pain with visions of my new and improved mom butt in a skimpy swimsuit this summer!
Goodbye Mom Butt, Hello Brazilian Bum!
I don’t know what it is about having a nice meal, outside on a warm, sunny day that makes life so enjoyable? It is probably a combination of the glass of cool chardonnay sparkling in the sun, the pure entertainment of people passing by and the hysterical conversations with great friends that makes “lunching” one of my favorite hobbies.
Going out to eat has always been a pastime for my group of girlfriends. As soon as we could legally drive, our nights out always started off at a restaurant somewhere. In our teens, it was fast food or Red Lobster…in our twenties, it was anywhere with a full bar. Now that we are in our thirties, the restaurant has become the destination, not starting point, and the establishments have increased in class and price. During a recent hobby lunch with one of my besties, I was reminded (once again) how different life is as a thirty-something woman.
During lunch we began talking about our love lives, like most women during any female bonding session. In between bites of her asian inspired seared scallops, my best friend started explaining how dating in her thirties is a whole new experience.
“Men only want one thing, and when you are over 30, they don’t want it from you”
I had to contain myself from spitting out the sip of cold water I had just poured into my mouth! It was so funny, because it is TRUE.
Her blatantly honest statement about men’s subconscious attraction to youth initiated a walk down memory lane. We took a trip back in time together to ten years ago. A time when we could walk into any bar or restaurant and naturally grab the attention of almost every male patron. Not that we were Victoria Secret models or anything. We were just two young decent looking girls always smiling, laughing and having a good time.
Fast forward to the present. We are the same decent looking ladies, always smiling, laughing and having a good time…but add some crows feet and laugh lines. We may get a couple head turns, but only if they’re over 30. Now we attract the somewhat creepy guy, pushing his late fifties wishing he was 20 years younger…or if we’re lucky, maybe the Dad out to dinner with the kids while mom’s out getting a mani/pedi.
Which I guess, all works out since those guys are probably our target market now anyways (well, minus the married guy!) It’s just strange getting old…especially when you are a woman.
You know, I really loved watching Sex in the City when it was on 10 years ago… but I appreciate it A LOT more now that I am in my thirties. I can relate more with Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte now that I see the world through their eyes.
Quality vs. Quantity
When it comes to friendship, I go for quality, not quantity. I feel it’s much more important to have a few, really close friends than it is to have 165 Facebook acquaintances. Friendship, to me, is about having people in your life that you love, trust and can be completely honest with – no matter the topic. True friendship is sharing, with no hesitation, your outfit is not flattering or your latest date is a complete tool. Unlike a similar relationship between family members, friends are people you actually choose to associate with, instead of being forced to deal with your whole life.
I have two best friends, well - three if you include my boyfriend, that transcend the meaning of friendship. Not only are they the most genuine and caring people I have ever come across in my life, they are also very entertaining. These two women really have it all; beauty, brains, a great sense of humor and respect/empathy for others. I have known each of them for the last 20 years, so in a sense, they are more sisters than friends.
With our Without You
I often wonder where I would be in life if our paths’ never crossed. I would definitely be a completely different person, as these two helped shape me into the woman I’ve become. They have held me up during some very difficult times, when all I wanted to do was fall into a deep dark hole never to return. They have been there beside me, through good decisions and bad, playing devil’s advocate and head cheerleader. My life would not be the same without these amazing women (…and my son & boyfriend of course!!).
I find it difficult to imagine anything ever coming between the phenomenal bond I share with my two bffs. We’ve already been through so much, especially in just the last couple of years… birth, divorce, loss of a parent. What could possibly change that now?
Changing of the Tides
I know that many women experience a change in friendships after marriage or having children. They find that they can no longer relate to their friends that are sans husband and/or child. Their circle of friends seems to shift with the changing tides, from shopping and cocktails to mom’s groups and double-date nights.
My question is…Does it really need to be that way?
Am I the odd one for still having the exact same meaningful friendships now that I am a mom and divorcee than when I was single and baby-free?
I would love to hear your thoughts!
How have your friendships changed, if at all, after being married, divorced or becoming a mom?
The Cougar Stamp
Dating is such an interesting experience. There is the awkwardness of getting to know one another, the meeting of friends and family and of course, the all alluring establishment of titles. With dating, you can go through the whole uneasy process, date for a whole year or two, then all of a sudden come to uncover certain things about the other person that are complete and total deal breakers!
Wouldn’t courtship be much easier if we were all required to carry Dating Passports? All of our baggage would be nicely printed inside these handy little booklets, for any prospective suitor to view before the first date. Instead of stamps from various Customs Administrations lining each page, you would have things like “Ex Still on Pedestal” or “Fear of Heights and Committment.” Rich men that only dated much younger Barbie Doll replicas would be stamped with “Heph” and any woman over the age of 29 that ever dated a man in his twenties, would have the word “COUGAR” stamped on the very front page.
From Hilarious to Respect
In my 20′s, I thought the term ‘Cougar’ was pretty hilarious. I felt the word did a pretty accurate job of portraying most of the older women we saw participating in the nightlife scene.
The women were obviously older and overly dressed up. Their wardrobe normally consisted of items that were just a bit out of style. They hung out in the higher class bars and restaurants and always seemed to have the look of desperation hiding behind all their makeup.
Now that I am in my 30′s, I have a whole different outlook on the term Cougar. As a member of a their age bracket, I have a new respect for those women I saw ten years ago, having a night out on the town with their girls.
Yes, a number of them may have been out on the prowl, in desperate hopes of finding a man…but I now know (from experience) the majority were probably just out having fun with their girlfriends.
Watching my single girlfriends become the Cougar in question, also changed my feelings for the term. My girlfriends are beautiful and fun-loving women that are just out to have a good time. Their amazing qualities have a tendency to attract attention from younger men whenever we go out. They have dated a few of the guys, here and there. Not because they were preying on the helpless but just because the two of them enjoyed each other’s company, in whatever capacity that was… wink, wink.
On the prowl?
Instead of seeing her as a predator out to pounce on the less experienced, I see the Cougar as a fun-loving woman who is just young at heart!
Though she may not appear as youthful as the fresh-faced co-ed sitting at the next table, the Cougar definitely has more personality, spirit and experience that attracts the younger man and keeps him around, wanting more.
They next time you see a Cougar Couple walking down the street, remember that younger guy was able to get beyond the year the woman graduated high school to see her inner youth….(and I bet he is benefitting from that in many different ways, if you know what I mean )
To all you single moms and single ladies out there in your 30′s, don’t let the term Cougar get you down! Think of it as a compliment. It not only means you are HOT for your age…but it means you don’t act your age either! Which will always keep you young….at heart.
Much like millions of other women across the country, I mave a slight obsession with beauty products
Okay, looks like Starbucks is not my only addiction.
Two of my favorite stores, according to my bank statements, are Sephora and MAC. It seems both of these establishments pump something into the air that inebriates the brain cells, resulting in loss of short term memory. Each time I walk in with one item on my list and come out spending at least $100.
Like everyone else affected by this economy, I recently went through my expenses and recalculated my budget to better fit my decreasing paychecks. I started adding up all the money I spend on beauty products and/or services and was amazed. It’s not cheap being a girly girl.
We spend what?
In doing some research on-line, I found an interesting Newsweek article, “The Beauty Breakdown,” that confirmed our upkeep costs a small fortune. They calculate the average woman spends a total of $449,127 on their hair, face, body and hands/feet over a lifetime. During the 30′s and 40′s alone, a woman will spend $158,160 beautifying those body parts. Not only was that figure shocking, but it was also a bit of a disappointment to see that I have ventured into the 30-40 year old bracket. Aw, good bye my dear youth. It was fun while it lasted.
Looking at my makeup drawer and vanity in the bathroom, I would probably add another $100,000 on to their figure, when calculating in the cost of testing beauty products. I have a graveyard in my bathroom of half used compacts, wrong colored eye shadows and half empty shampoo bottles. Either I am a hoarder and haven’t realized it yet, or women also spend a good chunk of change just trying products – thanks to the wonderful world of advertising.
I’ll be your Huckleberry…I mean, Guinea Pig
Since we can all benefit from saving money these days (and since one of my best friends already coined me as her “guinea pig” for beauty products due to my obsession) I thought that I would share with you any products that I come across and feel are worth the effort and money to add to your own bathroom warehouse of beauty supplies.
A Must for Wavy Hair!
Here I am, in my 30′s, and I am finally figuring out what to do with my wavy, frizzy hair, besides blow dry and flat iron every day. To my dismay, being a single mom with a preschooler doesn’t really allow for a professional style blow dry every day. So, I recently gave in to mother nature and started wearing my hair wavy/curly. I have tried hundreds of mousses, sprays and gels in the past, but the combination and order of the following products are an absolute must for anyone with wavy hair. I am quite the perfectionist when it comes to my hair and I hated my waves until now. These three products are life and time savers for every busy, wavy haired, fashonista mom!
One trick I learned to decrease the frizz and increase the waves was leaving my wet hair alone! Before I would try to scrunch, diffuse or spray in the curls, but noticed that if I just let my hair air dry for a bit, after applying the Style Primer and Curl Enhancing Foam, then lightly scrunched after spraying in the Fekkai Wave Spray, I had some pretty nice waves/curls that I could live with.
Hmmm, now that you know way more about my morning routine that I would prefer…
I’ll search through my warehouse of makeup, anti-aging creams and hair products to bring you more must-haves for your Thirtysomething Beauty Drawer.
all down hill from here
We all know, as you get older your outside appearance and body begins to change. Your hair turns gray, wrinkles appear out of no where and you can no longer sit in one place too long without making some sort of grunting sound when getting up. These all sound like things that happen when you’re in your 50′s , right?
Ummm yeah… not exactly.
Try, in your thirties!
One morning, during your thirties, you’ll wake up to find things a bit different than they were when you went to bed. You will find that a little tiny crow walked all over your face while you were sleeping and left his damn footprints in permanent ink, next to your eyes. Oh, and those blonde hairs growing out of your chin or nose… yeah, they grew overnight and turned jet black and thick as a wire. You will also find that your body now rejects all aspects of your lifestyle of the past decade. It strictly forbids participating in keg stands or beer bongs and no longer accepts staying up all hours of the night. Your stomach disagrees with your orders of “medium spicy” Thai food or your greasy fast food binges and your ears no longer tolerate loud music or noisy restaurants.
All those birthday cards and gag gifts you received on your 30th birthday were telling the truth – you ARE over the hill.
Take another look in the mirror
There is also a very subtle change that begins at age 30, one that may go unnoticed for some time. It is a change that, for some, may be more frightening than seeing the physical signs of aging.
In your thirties… you begin… turning into… YOUR PARENTS!
I am sorry to be the one to break the news to you… but it is true.
Not only have I seen it first hand with most of my friends, but I have experienced the strange phenomenon myself. I now wear golf clothes, even when I am not playing golf. I tend to be drawn to frosted lipsticks and salads with candied walnuts. I fall asleep on the couch and get cranky when I am woken up to go to bed. I get tipsy off one glass of wine. I trail off at the end of a sentence when talking and just mouth the rest of the words…
At age 31, I am not only a mom… I am my mom
So, I guess if you want to see what your future holds, you can either pay a fortune teller, buy a crystal ball or just take out an old family portrait. From my experience, my bet’s on the family photo.
An Amazing Woman, in a Class of Her Own
Every year, around the first or second week of August, my family ventures from all areas of the West Coast, to celebrate the birthday of one amazing woman. This woman is a mother of two, Grandmother to seven, Great Grandmother to fourteen and Great, Great Grandmother to one -my son – and this year marks her birthday.
No doubt, there are many remarkable women in the world, but my Great Grandmother is definitely in a class of her own. This was the very first year that she couldn’t walk on her own from her room to the party and it was only a couple of years ago she started needing a cane. In her late 90′s, she would still walk two miles a day and would complain that her friends in their 80′s were too slow and a bother to walk with. Not only was she was the Head of the Computer Lab at her Community and send the family emails, but she also still enjoys her monthly glass of chardonnay at the homes’ Happy Hour. To top it all off, she holds a Guiness Book World Record for a woman her age throwing a frisbee 26 feet, 6 inches.
A Century of Memories
It boggles my mind to think about what my Great Grandmother has seen over the last Century. She saw the creation of the automobile, the Industrial Revolution, the (First) Great Depression, both World Wars, the Civil Rights Revolution and the beginnings of television, computers and cellphones. It amazes me to think that she was born before the Model T and she can send you an email telling you all about it.
Just like many years in the past, we all gather at her retirement community, where she still lives in her own apartment, to enjoy food, wine and great company under a big white tent.
This year, after lunch, each of us stood up and shared our favorite story or fondest memory of Grandma. As we all laughed, cried and showed our love, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Is that going to be me someday?”
73 years from now
I then started thinking, if I was the one sitting at the head table, turning 104, listening to my family share their favorite moments of my life, who would be sitting around me?
My son and his children
My son’s grandchildren and their children
I came to the following conclusion….
I could not even fathom the possibility! I have a problem picturing my son’s children, let alone his children’s children.
It would be very interesting to live that long, to see the world change around you and to be able to meet the members located at the far reaches of your Family Tree….
Although, a little advice my Great Grandmother shared with me two years ago, at her birthday party, will stick with me forever. She said,
“Anything over 85 is highly
over-rated..and I don’t suggest
it for anybody”
Eh, maybe she’s got something there…