Posts tagged ‘motherhood’
Today was my annual trip to the Girly Doctor. I should probably go more than every couple of years, considering it’s an annual check up, and since I’m apparently reaching the end of my most fertile years, which my doctor was kind enough to remind me during our appointment.
“So… any more babies?”
No, I don’t think so…although having to stare at all these baby pictures for the last fifteen minutes is making me think otherwise!
“Cause you know…it starts getting more difficult to get pregnant with each year”
Great doc, thanks! I thought I was done, until you jolted my biological clock… (Why is it, when the possibility of not being able to have something makes you want it?)
On my way home, driving on the freeway, trying to erase the last 30 minutes from my memory, I was reminded once again that…
Men really have no clue what women go through
Some may get a glimpse into our world by growing up with a sister or having an open relationship with a spouse. They may witness the perils of waxing sensitive areas or the hours it takes straightening wavy hair, but these men are still clueless when it comes the true hardships of being a woman.
I think there are three main areas of womanhood that a man will never understand, nor would be able to handle if the tables were ever turned.
Menstruation, Childbirth and OB/GYN visits.
- Our Monthly Visitor – There is only one reason guys are happy around this time of the month and it’s not because they want to earn their Red Wings. They secretly do their Happy Dance at this time of our cycle because it confirms their guys didn’t swim this month and they have 28 or so more days of relaxing before the panic sets in again. Although guys have a basic idea what happens during those miserable 3-7 days, they have no idea what we deal with every 4-8 hours. If any of us were to sit down with them and explain in detail, I think many of them would lose their lunch.
- Popping Out a Watermelon – I’m sorry, but this has to be the most disgusting bodily function of all…and I can say that because I have done it. I remember the doctor asking if I wanted to see and touch the head when it crowned, which I did… and honestly responded with “Eww, that’s gross” (sorry lil man but it’s true). Giving birth is an emotionally beautiful thing, but had someone warned me that your water doesn’t just break, it continues to flow and you essentially leak from top to bottom for the next 6+ weeks, I may have reconsidered. Let’s not even get into the other things that come out during and after labor. Yes, it is an absolute miracle and a truly amazing moment in life – but one that people involved never speak of intricate details, ever…for good reason.
- PAP Smears - Where do I begin with this one? So, guys…what would you do if you were laying on a table spread eagle, covered only in a light hospital gown and paper apron with someone thoroughly inspecting your nether region? Oh wait, I can’t forget the painful cotton swab, the awkward breast exam and feeling for the position of the uterus from the inside out. Aww, it’s an absolute thrill, let me tell you. I dread each and every one…and even though it only lasts a few minutes, they have to be the worst moments of being a woman.
So, for you guys out there, the next time your woman starts bawling for no reason…takes too long getting ready…or spends too much money on a pair of sexy new shoes… give her a little slack. She deals with a lot of crap for just having a vagina
Like a typical Grandmother, my mom is always complaining about not having enough pictures of her grandson. Now that we have digital cameras and photo sharing sites on the internet, who needs boxes of actual printed photos cluttering up much needed cabinet space? In an effort to be the good daughter, I thought that professional pictures would be a wonderful gift for ol’ Grandma. So, I hired a photographer to follow us around our favorite park.
Our photos came out great (Thanks Crystal!), and Grandma loved them of course, but the beautiful images captured much more than just our typical day at the park. They actually caught the unique, unbreakable bond shared between me and my little guy. A bond that deepens with every spontaneous hug or “I love you”, with every grab for my hand as we walk across the street and with each look of amazement when he learns something new.
My little guy and I are a team and we work and play together as one. We like to celebrate our success with High-Fives and shouts of “Good Teamwork!”, which can be seen anytime throughout our day: a flawless on-time morning, an efficient yet speedy clean up session or a great game of tag at the park.
My little man is my Number One. He always comes first, no matter what. He knows my world revolves around him, yet still understands - and respects – the Head Coach calls the shots.
This may come as a surprise, but I feel that my little guy would benefit more in life if we kept our team a two-some. Not to say that I don’t want to get remarried someday (maybe) but if I do, I think I am done having kids. I made the decision awhile back when my ex-husband moved in with his new girlfriend and her daughter. Luckily I have a decent relationship with my ex and his girlfriend, so the decision wasn’t made out of spite or jealousy.
My decision came out of pure love for my little man. I just tried to put myself in my son’s shoes; going back and forth between homes when his brother(s) and/or sister(s) got to stay put. I know I would feel like a visitor, or a temporary member of everyone’s little family. I decided that he may need someone to be there for him 100% and receive their full undivided attention. Due to his living situation, he may need to feel that he is the center of someone’s world, somewhere. So, I decided that someone and somewhere will be when he’s with me.
Awesome Little Team
I have been struggling with this decision for a while, especially now that I am in a serious relationship. I often wondered if I was being irrational, since everyone seemed so shocked to hear the reasoning that lead to my conclusion. I felt like I was all alone in a big yellow raft, floating in the ocean of single motherhood.
That was until I read a story about an Awesome Little Team.
I recently found Lauren’s blog, mylifeincomplete.com, among the sea of Single Mom links. Reading through her life experiences, I came across a post “Awesome Little Team” that brought me to tears. Literally. It was about her little awesome team and her decision to keep it a two-some.
I don’t know what it is about human nature that makes us search for others in similar situations and why we get such comfort knowing we are not alone. Whatever it is, I thank it for leading me to Lauren’s post. Thanks to her story, I now feel confident in my skills as a mother and my decision to keep another awesome little team intact.
Quality vs. Quantity
When it comes to friendship, I go for quality, not quantity. I feel it’s much more important to have a few, really close friends than it is to have 165 Facebook acquaintances. Friendship, to me, is about having people in your life that you love, trust and can be completely honest with – no matter the topic. True friendship is sharing, with no hesitation, your outfit is not flattering or your latest date is a complete tool. Unlike a similar relationship between family members, friends are people you actually choose to associate with, instead of being forced to deal with your whole life.
I have two best friends, well - three if you include my boyfriend, that transcend the meaning of friendship. Not only are they the most genuine and caring people I have ever come across in my life, they are also very entertaining. These two women really have it all; beauty, brains, a great sense of humor and respect/empathy for others. I have known each of them for the last 20 years, so in a sense, they are more sisters than friends.
With our Without You
I often wonder where I would be in life if our paths’ never crossed. I would definitely be a completely different person, as these two helped shape me into the woman I’ve become. They have held me up during some very difficult times, when all I wanted to do was fall into a deep dark hole never to return. They have been there beside me, through good decisions and bad, playing devil’s advocate and head cheerleader. My life would not be the same without these amazing women (…and my son & boyfriend of course!!).
I find it difficult to imagine anything ever coming between the phenomenal bond I share with my two bffs. We’ve already been through so much, especially in just the last couple of years… birth, divorce, loss of a parent. What could possibly change that now?
Changing of the Tides
I know that many women experience a change in friendships after marriage or having children. They find that they can no longer relate to their friends that are sans husband and/or child. Their circle of friends seems to shift with the changing tides, from shopping and cocktails to mom’s groups and double-date nights.
My question is…Does it really need to be that way?
Am I the odd one for still having the exact same meaningful friendships now that I am a mom and divorcee than when I was single and baby-free?
I would love to hear your thoughts!
How have your friendships changed, if at all, after being married, divorced or becoming a mom?
Wednesday was the first day of the last year of preschool. Next year it’s on to kindergarten… Then pretty soon, we’ll be packing up the car and heading off to some college dorm somewhere.
The day will soon come when I’ll be lucky to get a phone call, let alone an actual visit.
The other night, we read one of our favorite books, Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch. I seriously can not read that book without crying. This time I almost made it through to the end. Almost.
When we read the page about the teenager becoming a grown man and moving to his own house across town he said, “Why did he do that?”
I explained that some day, he too will grow up and want to move into his own house.
“But I’d never see you”
My heart melted.
I don’t know what it is about being a mom, but you just live for those brief moments of honest love and appreciation. Those out of the blue hugs or the random “I love you mom,” just seem to magically erase all the tantrums and time outs…and make the most difficult, yet rewarding, job even better!
I’m just now getting the phone call.
They just finished dinner and are on their way home.
“Good night sweetheart, I love you!”
As I hang up the phone, I take a deep breath, trying to reduce the anxiety I feel building in my chest.
It’s 9:15…he just ate dinner…and is now on his way home?
My ex and I have never been on the same page when it comes to Parenting. It was ONE of the factors that lead to our divorce. I won’t get into the mental abuse, controlling behaviors and serious family baggage that went along with our differences in parenting. A quick piece of advice for anyone looking to get married… TALK.
Before we got married, we never discussed things like Politics, Religion, Parenting styles or most importantly, Money. We figured that all that stuff would just work its self out somehow. Love would conquer all. Hah! Really people, pre-marital counseling. Look into it.
The differences in parenting styles are not only a problem when you are married, but becomes a huge source of anxiety, stress and sometimes anger when trying to co-parent.
When we first separated, I had a really hard time with the fact that my son’s world was significantly different when he spent time at his father’s house. Bedtime was different, rules were different and discipline seemed non-existent. I knew how much children need consistency and stability in life, especially when coming from a divorced household, and it killed me to see that he his two worlds were not aligned.
Had I not read, “Good Parenting through Your Divorce” by Mary Ellen Hannibal, I’m not sure where I would be now. Who knows, maybe I would be wearing a stylish white jacket with lots of straps and buckles and living in a bright white room with lots of padding. One of the chapters resonates in my brain and always reminds me that I can’t control what goes on over there. I can only do the best that I can when he is with me and let go of all the rest.
Believe me, it’s not easy. I struggle with it every day.
When I feel my chest tightening or hear myself saying “he’s doing what over there?” I take my deep cleansing breath and remind myself that I have a beautiful, smart little boy who has two parents that love him. So what if one is lets him watch Rated R movies and gives him Trix and Fruity Pebbles for breakfast…
Okay… Deep Breath…
Sitting at a small round pedestal, that my favorite caffeine distributor calls a table, I clickety-clacked away on my laptop. Since I was following up on work emails and not updating blog posts, my concentration was perhaps a bit lackadaisical, allowing my ears to wonder over to the table next to me.
“I think it’s because they’re working and don’t have the time… ”
“My child wouldn’t be putting their feet on the chair like that…”
“I don’t know why it’s different now than when we were raising kids… “
My ears perked up as I listened to the two older women chat beside me. I couldn’t help but listen. Not just because the ‘tables’ are so closely packed in, probably to prevent people like me from sitting there all day long and only paying $1.85 for free wifi, but the topic peaked my interest.
Over their cup of coffee, the two retired women were discussing parenthood and the differences between generations. Their focus was on a father and his two children enjoying their mid-day snack on the comfy purple couches in the corner of the store. The children were not the most well-mannered or behaved, but they also were not the worst I had seen either. The women went back and forth about how they didn’t understand the parents of today and how they are so lax on manners and discipline nowadays.
Right then, I had to interrupt.
“Um excuse me…I couldn’t help but hear…”
“I just wanted to let you know that I completely agree with you ladies!”
The two of them sat there for a moment, as if in shock. Their eyes widened and they stared at me for a few seconds, then looked as they had seen a ghost.
They were shocked to hear that I was a working mom with a 4 year old little boy that strongly believed in discipline, structure, respect and manners.
“My mom gave us discipline and structure and we would never think of disrespecting her in anyway. We loved her for it,” one woman shared.
“I was strict with my kids, they even called me ‘Mean Mom’ sometimes… but they’re all doing real well for themselves now,” the other chimed in.
I then shared my thought that it’s just easier for parents to not do all those things…so nowadays most don’t. They both agreed and said, “that’s completely it”
After bonding over a brief conversation about today’s parenting skills, or lack thereof, one woman turned to me and said something that has been echoing in my head ever since…
“You know you’re not the norm, Hun”
I sat there and recalled all the trips to the park, grocery stores and library.
In that split second I realized;
I am not the mom on her Blackberry sitting on the bench at the park…I am the one playing tag or hide-n-seek.
I am not the mom dealing with a screaming child at the grocery store…I am the one having my son count the apples as he puts them in the plastic bag.
I am not the mom using television or video games as a babysitter so I can get things done…I am the one coloring, painting or squishing playdoh in my hands and doing my chores on my time, not our time.
She is right. I am not the ‘norm.’
And I’m proud of it
There are dishes in the sink.
Laundry is flowing over the baskets.
Pieces of paper have built a fortress around my computer.
The garbage is at the point where it should be taken out.. but it may have room for two or three more discarded items.
As I look around the house, I cringe at the housework I have been putting off lately. Who wants to do housework after bedtime, when you can do more exciting things like sleep, blog or veg out with a movie.
Glance into my world as the Single Soccer Mom and you will see, I am the Queen of Procrastination. Unfortunately, this is not a new thing for me. I have held that title for many, many years.
It’s a characteristic or trait that I would rather not have. I’ve always been envious of Type A personalities that get things done the second it crosses their mind. I’ve tried to change…but I just keep putting it off.
Now that I’m a mom, I’m a bit better. There are just some things in mom world that you can not postpone: dirty diapers, doctor visits, school registration…
As I sit here, staring at my ‘To Do List’ that never goes away, no matter how many items I check off, the Type A side of my brain suggests removing my hands from the keyboard. It’s tempting… but Queen Procrastination is quite the Master Debater.
I REALLY need to get the Queen to remember…
“Procrastination is like Masturbation,
it feels good while you are doing it,
but in the end, you’re just F’n yourself”
And the Nominees Are…
I am pleased to announce that we have three more potential nominees for this years’ prestigious “Mother of the Year Award.”
The first two nominees come to us from Southern California. KCAL 9 News, reported yesterday afternoon, two women were arrested in connection with a takeover robbery of an auto supply store in Garden Grove on Sunday. The two are expected to be charged with commercial robbery, false imprisonment and felony child endangerment.
Child endangerment, you may ask? Did a small child happen to be in the Pep Boys store when these two women charged in, weapons in hand? Unfortunately, no, that was not the case. Instead, when police located and stopped their getaway car, a 7 month old baby was found inside the car. A baby that belonged to one of the suspects. According to the report, the child has now been placed in protective custody.
Apparently babysitters really ARE that hard to find! Really people? Sigh…
The third nominee comes from a story out of today’s Denver Post. A family on vacation was driving down Highway 82 in Colorado, when a boulder rolled off a cliff and crashed into the windshield of the family’s SUV, immediately killing the father who was driving. In order to save her three sons, the mother, who was sitting in the passenger seat, reached over, put the car in neutral and grabbed the wheel with one hand while she pressed the break with the other. The car went through a red light at the bottom of the hill, but eventually came to a stop, where the mother jumped out and began yelling for help.
And the Award goes to…
Thought for the day:
If the government requires a license to drive a car, then why doesn’t it require one to procreate? Okay, I’m stepping down from my soapbox now…
While driving to daycare this morning, I had a conversation with my 4 year old son that pretty much just summed up men, women and dating… much more than any couples therapy or books about Mars & Venus ever did.
On our way there, I was telling my son that when he comes back from Daddy’s house we would be going to Great, Great Grandma’s 104 year old birthday party. I explained where it would be and who was going to be there, since he always likes to know what to expect (understandable as a child of divorce). I told him there would be kids there he could play with and a big birthday cake, which led to the following conversation…
”Will there be any girls there?”
“Yes there will”
“Oh great….they’ll probably want to kiss and hug me.” He grumbled.
Saying with a smile, “You’re probably right. And you know what, they’re gonna do that your whole life, because girls like to kiss and hug cute boys..and you’re a cute boy.”
“Oh great. I don’t like girls”
Chuckling. “You say that now, but I bet you you’ll change your mind. You know, I remember kissing cute boys when I was younger.”
“What did they do?”
Chuckling again. “Well, they didn’t like it so much either.”
“Well…they pretty much just wanted to play with their friends.”
And there it was, clear as day. Whether they are 3, 13 or 30…it’s all the same thing…
boys don’t want hugs and kisses,
they just wanna play with their friends!