Posts tagged ‘the thirties’
I don’t know what it is about having a nice meal, outside on a warm, sunny day that makes life so enjoyable? It is probably a combination of the glass of cool chardonnay sparkling in the sun, the pure entertainment of people passing by and the hysterical conversations with great friends that makes “lunching” one of my favorite hobbies.
Going out to eat has always been a pastime for my group of girlfriends. As soon as we could legally drive, our nights out always started off at a restaurant somewhere. In our teens, it was fast food or Red Lobster…in our twenties, it was anywhere with a full bar. Now that we are in our thirties, the restaurant has become the destination, not starting point, and the establishments have increased in class and price. During a recent hobby lunch with one of my besties, I was reminded (once again) how different life is as a thirty-something woman.
During lunch we began talking about our love lives, like most women during any female bonding session. In between bites of her asian inspired seared scallops, my best friend started explaining how dating in her thirties is a whole new experience.
“Men only want one thing, and when you are over 30, they don’t want it from you”
I had to contain myself from spitting out the sip of cold water I had just poured into my mouth! It was so funny, because it is TRUE.
Her blatantly honest statement about men’s subconscious attraction to youth initiated a walk down memory lane. We took a trip back in time together to ten years ago. A time when we could walk into any bar or restaurant and naturally grab the attention of almost every male patron. Not that we were Victoria Secret models or anything. We were just two young decent looking girls always smiling, laughing and having a good time.
Fast forward to the present. We are the same decent looking ladies, always smiling, laughing and having a good time…but add some crows feet and laugh lines. We may get a couple head turns, but only if they’re over 30. Now we attract the somewhat creepy guy, pushing his late fifties wishing he was 20 years younger…or if we’re lucky, maybe the Dad out to dinner with the kids while mom’s out getting a mani/pedi.
Which I guess, all works out since those guys are probably our target market now anyways (well, minus the married guy!) It’s just strange getting old…especially when you are a woman.
You know, I really loved watching Sex in the City when it was on 10 years ago… but I appreciate it A LOT more now that I am in my thirties. I can relate more with Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte now that I see the world through their eyes.
Quality vs. Quantity
When it comes to friendship, I go for quality, not quantity. I feel it’s much more important to have a few, really close friends than it is to have 165 Facebook acquaintances. Friendship, to me, is about having people in your life that you love, trust and can be completely honest with – no matter the topic. True friendship is sharing, with no hesitation, your outfit is not flattering or your latest date is a complete tool. Unlike a similar relationship between family members, friends are people you actually choose to associate with, instead of being forced to deal with your whole life.
I have two best friends, well - three if you include my boyfriend, that transcend the meaning of friendship. Not only are they the most genuine and caring people I have ever come across in my life, they are also very entertaining. These two women really have it all; beauty, brains, a great sense of humor and respect/empathy for others. I have known each of them for the last 20 years, so in a sense, they are more sisters than friends.
With our Without You
I often wonder where I would be in life if our paths’ never crossed. I would definitely be a completely different person, as these two helped shape me into the woman I’ve become. They have held me up during some very difficult times, when all I wanted to do was fall into a deep dark hole never to return. They have been there beside me, through good decisions and bad, playing devil’s advocate and head cheerleader. My life would not be the same without these amazing women (…and my son & boyfriend of course!!).
I find it difficult to imagine anything ever coming between the phenomenal bond I share with my two bffs. We’ve already been through so much, especially in just the last couple of years… birth, divorce, loss of a parent. What could possibly change that now?
Changing of the Tides
I know that many women experience a change in friendships after marriage or having children. They find that they can no longer relate to their friends that are sans husband and/or child. Their circle of friends seems to shift with the changing tides, from shopping and cocktails to mom’s groups and double-date nights.
My question is…Does it really need to be that way?
Am I the odd one for still having the exact same meaningful friendships now that I am a mom and divorcee than when I was single and baby-free?
I would love to hear your thoughts!
How have your friendships changed, if at all, after being married, divorced or becoming a mom?
The Cougar Stamp
Dating is such an interesting experience. There is the awkwardness of getting to know one another, the meeting of friends and family and of course, the all alluring establishment of titles. With dating, you can go through the whole uneasy process, date for a whole year or two, then all of a sudden come to uncover certain things about the other person that are complete and total deal breakers!
Wouldn’t courtship be much easier if we were all required to carry Dating Passports? All of our baggage would be nicely printed inside these handy little booklets, for any prospective suitor to view before the first date. Instead of stamps from various Customs Administrations lining each page, you would have things like “Ex Still on Pedestal” or “Fear of Heights and Committment.” Rich men that only dated much younger Barbie Doll replicas would be stamped with “Heph” and any woman over the age of 29 that ever dated a man in his twenties, would have the word “COUGAR” stamped on the very front page.
From Hilarious to Respect
In my 20′s, I thought the term ‘Cougar’ was pretty hilarious. I felt the word did a pretty accurate job of portraying most of the older women we saw participating in the nightlife scene.
The women were obviously older and overly dressed up. Their wardrobe normally consisted of items that were just a bit out of style. They hung out in the higher class bars and restaurants and always seemed to have the look of desperation hiding behind all their makeup.
Now that I am in my 30′s, I have a whole different outlook on the term Cougar. As a member of a their age bracket, I have a new respect for those women I saw ten years ago, having a night out on the town with their girls.
Yes, a number of them may have been out on the prowl, in desperate hopes of finding a man…but I now know (from experience) the majority were probably just out having fun with their girlfriends.
Watching my single girlfriends become the Cougar in question, also changed my feelings for the term. My girlfriends are beautiful and fun-loving women that are just out to have a good time. Their amazing qualities have a tendency to attract attention from younger men whenever we go out. They have dated a few of the guys, here and there. Not because they were preying on the helpless but just because the two of them enjoyed each other’s company, in whatever capacity that was… wink, wink.
On the prowl?
Instead of seeing her as a predator out to pounce on the less experienced, I see the Cougar as a fun-loving woman who is just young at heart!
Though she may not appear as youthful as the fresh-faced co-ed sitting at the next table, the Cougar definitely has more personality, spirit and experience that attracts the younger man and keeps him around, wanting more.
They next time you see a Cougar Couple walking down the street, remember that younger guy was able to get beyond the year the woman graduated high school to see her inner youth….(and I bet he is benefitting from that in many different ways, if you know what I mean )
To all you single moms and single ladies out there in your 30′s, don’t let the term Cougar get you down! Think of it as a compliment. It not only means you are HOT for your age…but it means you don’t act your age either! Which will always keep you young….at heart.
Much like millions of other women across the country, I mave a slight obsession with beauty products
Okay, looks like Starbucks is not my only addiction.
Two of my favorite stores, according to my bank statements, are Sephora and MAC. It seems both of these establishments pump something into the air that inebriates the brain cells, resulting in loss of short term memory. Each time I walk in with one item on my list and come out spending at least $100.
Like everyone else affected by this economy, I recently went through my expenses and recalculated my budget to better fit my decreasing paychecks. I started adding up all the money I spend on beauty products and/or services and was amazed. It’s not cheap being a girly girl.
We spend what?
In doing some research on-line, I found an interesting Newsweek article, “The Beauty Breakdown,” that confirmed our upkeep costs a small fortune. They calculate the average woman spends a total of $449,127 on their hair, face, body and hands/feet over a lifetime. During the 30′s and 40′s alone, a woman will spend $158,160 beautifying those body parts. Not only was that figure shocking, but it was also a bit of a disappointment to see that I have ventured into the 30-40 year old bracket. Aw, good bye my dear youth. It was fun while it lasted.
Looking at my makeup drawer and vanity in the bathroom, I would probably add another $100,000 on to their figure, when calculating in the cost of testing beauty products. I have a graveyard in my bathroom of half used compacts, wrong colored eye shadows and half empty shampoo bottles. Either I am a hoarder and haven’t realized it yet, or women also spend a good chunk of change just trying products – thanks to the wonderful world of advertising.
I’ll be your Huckleberry…I mean, Guinea Pig
Since we can all benefit from saving money these days (and since one of my best friends already coined me as her “guinea pig” for beauty products due to my obsession) I thought that I would share with you any products that I come across and feel are worth the effort and money to add to your own bathroom warehouse of beauty supplies.
A Must for Wavy Hair!
Here I am, in my 30′s, and I am finally figuring out what to do with my wavy, frizzy hair, besides blow dry and flat iron every day. To my dismay, being a single mom with a preschooler doesn’t really allow for a professional style blow dry every day. So, I recently gave in to mother nature and started wearing my hair wavy/curly. I have tried hundreds of mousses, sprays and gels in the past, but the combination and order of the following products are an absolute must for anyone with wavy hair. I am quite the perfectionist when it comes to my hair and I hated my waves until now. These three products are life and time savers for every busy, wavy haired, fashonista mom!
One trick I learned to decrease the frizz and increase the waves was leaving my wet hair alone! Before I would try to scrunch, diffuse or spray in the curls, but noticed that if I just let my hair air dry for a bit, after applying the Style Primer and Curl Enhancing Foam, then lightly scrunched after spraying in the Fekkai Wave Spray, I had some pretty nice waves/curls that I could live with.
Hmmm, now that you know way more about my morning routine that I would prefer…
I’ll search through my warehouse of makeup, anti-aging creams and hair products to bring you more must-haves for your Thirtysomething Beauty Drawer.
all down hill from here
We all know, as you get older your outside appearance and body begins to change. Your hair turns gray, wrinkles appear out of no where and you can no longer sit in one place too long without making some sort of grunting sound when getting up. These all sound like things that happen when you’re in your 50′s , right?
Ummm yeah… not exactly.
Try, in your thirties!
One morning, during your thirties, you’ll wake up to find things a bit different than they were when you went to bed. You will find that a little tiny crow walked all over your face while you were sleeping and left his damn footprints in permanent ink, next to your eyes. Oh, and those blonde hairs growing out of your chin or nose… yeah, they grew overnight and turned jet black and thick as a wire. You will also find that your body now rejects all aspects of your lifestyle of the past decade. It strictly forbids participating in keg stands or beer bongs and no longer accepts staying up all hours of the night. Your stomach disagrees with your orders of “medium spicy” Thai food or your greasy fast food binges and your ears no longer tolerate loud music or noisy restaurants.
All those birthday cards and gag gifts you received on your 30th birthday were telling the truth – you ARE over the hill.
Take another look in the mirror
There is also a very subtle change that begins at age 30, one that may go unnoticed for some time. It is a change that, for some, may be more frightening than seeing the physical signs of aging.
In your thirties… you begin… turning into… YOUR PARENTS!
I am sorry to be the one to break the news to you… but it is true.
Not only have I seen it first hand with most of my friends, but I have experienced the strange phenomenon myself. I now wear golf clothes, even when I am not playing golf. I tend to be drawn to frosted lipsticks and salads with candied walnuts. I fall asleep on the couch and get cranky when I am woken up to go to bed. I get tipsy off one glass of wine. I trail off at the end of a sentence when talking and just mouth the rest of the words…
At age 31, I am not only a mom… I am my mom
So, I guess if you want to see what your future holds, you can either pay a fortune teller, buy a crystal ball or just take out an old family portrait. From my experience, my bet’s on the family photo.