Posts tagged ‘thirtysomething’
I don’t know what it is about having a nice meal, outside on a warm, sunny day that makes life so enjoyable? It is probably a combination of the glass of cool chardonnay sparkling in the sun, the pure entertainment of people passing by and the hysterical conversations with great friends that makes “lunching” one of my favorite hobbies.
Going out to eat has always been a pastime for my group of girlfriends. As soon as we could legally drive, our nights out always started off at a restaurant somewhere. In our teens, it was fast food or Red Lobster…in our twenties, it was anywhere with a full bar. Now that we are in our thirties, the restaurant has become the destination, not starting point, and the establishments have increased in class and price. During a recent hobby lunch with one of my besties, I was reminded (once again) how different life is as a thirty-something woman.
During lunch we began talking about our love lives, like most women during any female bonding session. In between bites of her asian inspired seared scallops, my best friend started explaining how dating in her thirties is a whole new experience.
“Men only want one thing, and when you are over 30, they don’t want it from you”
I had to contain myself from spitting out the sip of cold water I had just poured into my mouth! It was so funny, because it is TRUE.
Her blatantly honest statement about men’s subconscious attraction to youth initiated a walk down memory lane. We took a trip back in time together to ten years ago. A time when we could walk into any bar or restaurant and naturally grab the attention of almost every male patron. Not that we were Victoria Secret models or anything. We were just two young decent looking girls always smiling, laughing and having a good time.
Fast forward to the present. We are the same decent looking ladies, always smiling, laughing and having a good time…but add some crows feet and laugh lines. We may get a couple head turns, but only if they’re over 30. Now we attract the somewhat creepy guy, pushing his late fifties wishing he was 20 years younger…or if we’re lucky, maybe the Dad out to dinner with the kids while mom’s out getting a mani/pedi.
Which I guess, all works out since those guys are probably our target market now anyways (well, minus the married guy!) It’s just strange getting old…especially when you are a woman.
You know, I really loved watching Sex in the City when it was on 10 years ago… but I appreciate it A LOT more now that I am in my thirties. I can relate more with Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte now that I see the world through their eyes.
The Cougar Stamp
Dating is such an interesting experience. There is the awkwardness of getting to know one another, the meeting of friends and family and of course, the all alluring establishment of titles. With dating, you can go through the whole uneasy process, date for a whole year or two, then all of a sudden come to uncover certain things about the other person that are complete and total deal breakers!
Wouldn’t courtship be much easier if we were all required to carry Dating Passports? All of our baggage would be nicely printed inside these handy little booklets, for any prospective suitor to view before the first date. Instead of stamps from various Customs Administrations lining each page, you would have things like “Ex Still on Pedestal” or “Fear of Heights and Committment.” Rich men that only dated much younger Barbie Doll replicas would be stamped with “Heph” and any woman over the age of 29 that ever dated a man in his twenties, would have the word “COUGAR” stamped on the very front page.
From Hilarious to Respect
In my 20′s, I thought the term ‘Cougar’ was pretty hilarious. I felt the word did a pretty accurate job of portraying most of the older women we saw participating in the nightlife scene.
The women were obviously older and overly dressed up. Their wardrobe normally consisted of items that were just a bit out of style. They hung out in the higher class bars and restaurants and always seemed to have the look of desperation hiding behind all their makeup.
Now that I am in my 30′s, I have a whole different outlook on the term Cougar. As a member of a their age bracket, I have a new respect for those women I saw ten years ago, having a night out on the town with their girls.
Yes, a number of them may have been out on the prowl, in desperate hopes of finding a man…but I now know (from experience) the majority were probably just out having fun with their girlfriends.
Watching my single girlfriends become the Cougar in question, also changed my feelings for the term. My girlfriends are beautiful and fun-loving women that are just out to have a good time. Their amazing qualities have a tendency to attract attention from younger men whenever we go out. They have dated a few of the guys, here and there. Not because they were preying on the helpless but just because the two of them enjoyed each other’s company, in whatever capacity that was… wink, wink.
On the prowl?
Instead of seeing her as a predator out to pounce on the less experienced, I see the Cougar as a fun-loving woman who is just young at heart!
Though she may not appear as youthful as the fresh-faced co-ed sitting at the next table, the Cougar definitely has more personality, spirit and experience that attracts the younger man and keeps him around, wanting more.
They next time you see a Cougar Couple walking down the street, remember that younger guy was able to get beyond the year the woman graduated high school to see her inner youth….(and I bet he is benefitting from that in many different ways, if you know what I mean )
To all you single moms and single ladies out there in your 30′s, don’t let the term Cougar get you down! Think of it as a compliment. It not only means you are HOT for your age…but it means you don’t act your age either! Which will always keep you young….at heart.
The other day, I had lunch with my best guy friend, turned boyfriend. We have been best friends for the last decade and just recently became more.
(Huh, looks like Harry was right! Men and Women can’t just be friends)
During our lunch, the lovely topic of “Numbers” came up, for some reason, during the conversation.
Advice for Thirtysomething Single Moms
Ladies, due to the lovely Double Standards out there, it’s best for you to shave off a few numbers before disclosing your past to a significant other. It’s funny that guys want a woman who is a virgin but is also good in bed. Hmm, how do you think that happens boys?
I should’ve followed the lesson in this chapter, but instead, I was honest with my boyfriend and told him the real number.
Remember, good liars need impeccable memories.
Having a steel trap for a brain is my son’s trait, not mine.
Dating Mathematics: The Formula
So, how do you find out someones REAL number? To get to the truth…
Take a guys’ number and divide by two
Take a girls’ number and multiply by two
Much like millions of other women across the country, I mave a slight obsession with beauty products
Okay, looks like Starbucks is not my only addiction.
Two of my favorite stores, according to my bank statements, are Sephora and MAC. It seems both of these establishments pump something into the air that inebriates the brain cells, resulting in loss of short term memory. Each time I walk in with one item on my list and come out spending at least $100.
Like everyone else affected by this economy, I recently went through my expenses and recalculated my budget to better fit my decreasing paychecks. I started adding up all the money I spend on beauty products and/or services and was amazed. It’s not cheap being a girly girl.
We spend what?
In doing some research on-line, I found an interesting Newsweek article, “The Beauty Breakdown,” that confirmed our upkeep costs a small fortune. They calculate the average woman spends a total of $449,127 on their hair, face, body and hands/feet over a lifetime. During the 30′s and 40′s alone, a woman will spend $158,160 beautifying those body parts. Not only was that figure shocking, but it was also a bit of a disappointment to see that I have ventured into the 30-40 year old bracket. Aw, good bye my dear youth. It was fun while it lasted.
Looking at my makeup drawer and vanity in the bathroom, I would probably add another $100,000 on to their figure, when calculating in the cost of testing beauty products. I have a graveyard in my bathroom of half used compacts, wrong colored eye shadows and half empty shampoo bottles. Either I am a hoarder and haven’t realized it yet, or women also spend a good chunk of change just trying products – thanks to the wonderful world of advertising.
I’ll be your Huckleberry…I mean, Guinea Pig
Since we can all benefit from saving money these days (and since one of my best friends already coined me as her “guinea pig” for beauty products due to my obsession) I thought that I would share with you any products that I come across and feel are worth the effort and money to add to your own bathroom warehouse of beauty supplies.
A Must for Wavy Hair!
Here I am, in my 30′s, and I am finally figuring out what to do with my wavy, frizzy hair, besides blow dry and flat iron every day. To my dismay, being a single mom with a preschooler doesn’t really allow for a professional style blow dry every day. So, I recently gave in to mother nature and started wearing my hair wavy/curly. I have tried hundreds of mousses, sprays and gels in the past, but the combination and order of the following products are an absolute must for anyone with wavy hair. I am quite the perfectionist when it comes to my hair and I hated my waves until now. These three products are life and time savers for every busy, wavy haired, fashonista mom!
One trick I learned to decrease the frizz and increase the waves was leaving my wet hair alone! Before I would try to scrunch, diffuse or spray in the curls, but noticed that if I just let my hair air dry for a bit, after applying the Style Primer and Curl Enhancing Foam, then lightly scrunched after spraying in the Fekkai Wave Spray, I had some pretty nice waves/curls that I could live with.
Hmmm, now that you know way more about my morning routine that I would prefer…
I’ll search through my warehouse of makeup, anti-aging creams and hair products to bring you more must-haves for your Thirtysomething Beauty Drawer.
My boyfriend can always tell if I am out in public or in the office when I answer my cellphone, just by hearing my “Hello.”
“Oh, it’s office voice… you must be at the office”
Apparently I am a member of the minority group of cellphone users that actually respect the other individuals in the room and actually want to keep their private life, private. It’s amazing what you can learn about someone in a waiting room, coffee shop or even restrooms these days. Why do people think that (1) no one else can hear them but the caller on the other end and (2) that no one is eavesdropping, secretly listening to every single word of their private conversation?
Well, due to the lovely invention of cellphones, I have gotten to know the other mothers in the lobby area of our 4:35pm Mon & Wed Swim Sessions. Strangely enough, we do not speak to each other, despite this being our third week of lessons. Instead we transfer personal information back and forth via phone conversations on our personal communication devices.
Over the past weeks, I have learned that one of the mothers is also Single, possibly in her mid thirties, has two kids and is going to school. Each Monday and Wednesday her boy and adorable little girl happily join their instructors in the water and enjoy every minute of their half our session. Today was definitely different.
Today, her little boy kept screaming at his instructor, so much so, his poor little face actually turned red. After 5 minutes, the mother stepped inside the enclosure of the indoor pool and made her way over to the unhappy swimmer.
Just then the boy’s father walked into the lobby, surveyed the scene and made his way in through the door. Right there, I knew exactly what the problem was. I could tell from his body language that he wasn’t a full time Dad, as the situation appeared to be making him a bit uncomfortable. Mom saw Dad walk in, but did not display any positive signs of acknowledgement.. which for me, completely confirmed my assumption.
The parents hovered over the pool, while the instructor tried to calm the boy down. He definitely seemed bothered by something, but the something seemed much bigger than just the swim lesson. Mom and Dad walked back into the lobby, sat down and begin their small talk.
Listening to their conversation, I could feel my anxiety level rise and my breath begin to shorten. I looked down and noticed I had automatically crossed my arms and my foot was now shaking back and forth, which are my classic signs of anxiety and withdrawal. I then realized that I was living in their moment. Although, in reality, it was the two of them talking, in my world it was me and my ex.
Eavesdropping on their conversation and peering into their world of co-parenting made me realize just how anxious and stressed out I can get when having to deal with my ex husband… even though we have a decent, civil relationship.
Just like her little boy was affected by his father’s appearance at swim lessons and most likely their overall family dynamic, my little boy is also affected by our situation. Every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon my ex picks up our son from daycare. The very next day I get a report from our provider saying his energy level was off the charts the day before. He gets so wound up, or anxious, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Seeing the other boy trying to deal with his emotions in the pool, reminded me that we’re not the only ones living this way.
I don’t know why it helps to see or know someone going through your same situation, but it definitely does. Knowing there is another individual going through the same struggles or stressors in life, makes the day a little easier to get through. Sitting there, watching my son floating in the sparkling blue water and realizing we are not the only ones, put me at ease and made my day even better